Letter To My Father - I Still Miss You Dad

I often find myself missing my Dad so very much. The sadness still comes along once in awhile, but the joy in the memories is so dear that it gently pushes aside the sadness. With me always are the wonderful memories and the way he helped to shape my character and morals.

On the days when I am really missing him, I find that it helps me a lot to write down my thoughts and feelings. In the old days, when folks only had paper and pencil to express their feelings, they kept journals and diaries and wrote letters to each other. It is still a good thing to do, to write down your messages to others.

Dear Dad...

You are my hero, my protector, my teacher. You are my father and I love you dearly. I miss you here on Earth, but, I know that one day we will be together again on a new journey. You helped me through this life, from the time I was born till the day you left and died to this world. This is a message from me to you, Father.

So many years ago you left us, Dad. That was a sad day for me and my siblings. Years, yet it seems like just a short while ago I sat with you and we talked of our joys in life. I told you how my children were growing and becoming young adults and how very proud I was of them.

You loved looking at their pictures and reminiscing with me on when they were just little babes, then taking their first steps, and learning to talk. It reminded you of when I took my first steps and uttered my first words. Then you would talk about each of your children and how we grew and the funny stories you had of each one of us. You would shake your head and wonder where the years had gone.

Since you left us, Dad, a fourth generation of yours is beginning life and growing fast. You knew all your grandchildren and some great grandchildren. Some of the third and all of the fourth generation you have not seen in this world, but, I know that your spirit knows them.

They are fine people and would make you proud. Even though you have not physically seen them and hugged them, you have left them a legacy and stories to pass on.

With your folk art, your pictures that we treasure, memories of you, folk songs you sang to us, the wonderful toys and little furniture you made for us, how you made Christmas and the holidays so special, all your wonderful gardens with our own vegetables, all these memories are passed down to the little ones. This legacy continues on with each new generation. We have your folk art displayed where all can see and the stories that go along with these carvings are just as much a treasure as the art is.

My children remember when they were little and the stories you told them and how they laughed so hard at your tale of the woman in the mountains who threatened to "pickle you" if you did not marry her. They remember listening with held breath and huge eyes when you told of the mountain lion who was stalking you, of the wolves fighting just over the hill from you, and the bears you tracked.

My granddaughter is beautiful and knows you through my son's memories. My grandson is a good boy and knows you through my daughter's memories of you. You would be so proud, of all your descendants.

The older I get, Dad, the more I realize just how much you gave me. You gave me the realization that my spiritual growth is of the utmost importance. You taught me that to grow spiritually I must listen to the voice of my soul -- to sometimes enter into the silence to do so.

You taught me to respect Nature and Mother Earth. You taught me to know when storms are approaching, what kind of winter we will have, what our springs and other seasons will be like, by watching Nature and the animals, the sun and the moon. You taught me how to read the stars and how to watch for signs in the skies and in Nature.

I remember when I was about eight, standing outside with you and my siblings after dark. I was afraid of the dark, but felt safe knowing you were near. I can still see, when I stand outside in the dark, that night you pointed up to the heavens to show us the star that was near the full moon and told us all about it. You made us appreciate such beauty like that.

You taught me how to be proud of myself, but, also how to be humble. You taught me to reach out to others when they are in need and to offer my hand in support.You imparted in me the importance of giving without expectations.

I learned from you how to pay attention to my creative side as well as my logic. I learned to play the guitar, banjo and autoharp because of you, and how to appreciate music and how important writing is to express my feelings, goals and joys. You showed me how to plan gardens and grow vegetables and how to harvest them.

From you I learned that all people are the same in God's eyes and that love is the greatest of all things.

You taught me how to pray and call upon the spirits that guide and protect me. You gave me courage to try new things. You gave me the knowledge that to fail only means another door to a better opportunity has opened.

I am much older now and it has been so long since you left us -- yet you are still teaching me in ways that come through memories and sometimes dreams.

Every Christmas, I put three of those little butter cookies, "star cookies" you called them because of their shape, in a little red basket and hang it on the tree for you. I know you loved those. I still bake them every Christmas season with you on my mind.

Every Father's Day, no matter how busy the day is with our huge family, I always find the time and the place to be alone with you in spirit, to say a prayer for you and to thank you for all you have given me, my children, my grandchildren and all the generations to come.

Thank you, Dad, for being the loving father and grandfather you were, for all you have given me, for being there for me -- I love you with all my heart and soul.
~ ~ ~ ~

Phyllis Doyle Burns - Lantern Carrier
© Copyright Phyllis Doyle Burns 2015
~ ~ ~ ~

Flora - Roman goddess of flowers

Flora - Roman goddess of flowers

Ode to Nature Child

Like children we laughed so playfully wild
Amidst the forest and upon hills so green
You teased and called me your nature child
I made wreaths of flowers for us, King and Queen

We lay and talked then dozed in the warm sun
You woke me, tickling my nose with a flower
We rolled, tickled each other, laughed with glee
Then you held me tight when passion had begun
No love was sweeter, then came a spring shower
Yet still we loved, feeling so wild and free

Our days were filled with laughter and love
Our evenings were spent in quiet and peace

We sat on the porch, and watched stars above
Then you went missing, I called the police
Two nights I lay crying in panic and fear
Waiting before they could begin a search
Each day was numbness, a living nightmare
Nights I could not find sleep without you near
I tried to find my strength and prayed in church
The house became so very cold, empty and bare.


Now I sit alone, as the night softly comes on
Cool breeze, touch my brow and heal my heart
The love we knew and cherished can never be gone
We promised, we knew, never would we part
Where are you? on Earth do you yet wander?
Let not my beloved be gone and leave me saddened
There is not another that I can confide in
Not a soul, not one, have I ever held fonder
Nor one who ever cheered and made me gladdened
As you have done my love, through thick and thin.


Oh to be within the arms of love once more
Lying in peace and contentment,warmed by love
Feeling the waves of joy like sea on the shore
As an eagle rising from nest and soaring above
Oh! Why did you leave and not say a word
About the reason why, or where you have gone?
Could you not have spoken to me with trust
Rather than to leave without being heard?
My mind is playing tricks on me!
What went wrong? I cannot go on, yet I must, I must!


Yet not now, let me doze beneath the full moon
As we once did together, and let me now dream
Of our days of laughter and nights ending too soon
A soft touch on my arm and in moonlight beam
I see a small lizard safely asleep upon my arm
It does not move as I slowly reach my other hand
To gently pick it up and take it inside with me
It must be sick, for it stayed there like a charm
As I placed it down softly on the aquarium sand
I put the cover on and tonight will let it be

Jordan, my dear little lizard, my only solace
You give me joy in a time of great sorrow
As I hold you and talk and watch your little face
You seem to listen to my hopes for tomorrow
Your head darts back and forth as you observe
Everything around you and explore my arm
You come up to my shoulder, long tail I touch
You turn quickly to see, your tail will swerve
What touched that part of you that is so warm
You see just a part of me and trust me so much

You are always on my shoulder as I watch TV
For news of my beloved who is lost somewhere
The day will come when you, too, leave me
You run to my other shoulder to stare out there
And sit in the sun as you gaze to the beyond
Through the window you look, ponder and gaze
To land you once roamed when you were wild
I will take you back out to rocks near the pond
When you are stronger and build your own maze
Where you can live again as Nature's child


Three weeks Jordan the lizard I befriended
He survived, grew fatter and so much longer
A call! left for dead, coma, the search has ended
My Beloved is okay, each day he's getting stronger
I must let you go now Jordan, my little one
Love and faith we shared, you are well and strong
You belong in nature, living free and wild
I will find you a rock by the pond in the sun
You can sleep under it at night and live long
You have a life to live again as Nature's Child.
~ ~ ~ ~

This poem was inspired by Jordan, the lizard I found one day on my patio. You can see in the picture of him that he is a real little person (excuse me, lizard). He looks big in the image of him, but was actually no longer than my entire thumb when I found him.


He seemed not too strong, so I took him inside and cared for him till he grew a little bigger. When I had to let him go, it was such a sad parting. I took him out to the little mountain behind my home and found some large rocks with lots of cubbyholes and places to hide underneath. When I sat him down by one of the holes under the rock, he stared up at me as if to say, "What do you expect me to do now?"


He ran inside the hole, was in there for a few minutes, exploring his new home, then peeked back out to see if I was still there. Then he forgot about me and began exploring more cubbyholes and tunnels.


I went back out a few days later and saw him on top of the largest rock, basking in the sun, yet ever alert to danger, turning his head this way and that. When he saw me he paused for a few seconds, staring at me. But, when I gently reached for him, he darted down to the safety of his kingdom beneath the rock.

Ireland Is Calling To Me

To my spiritual home... Ireland, the land of beauty and passion, is calling me, to my spiritual home across the sea. It is the land of my ancestors and has been always dear to my heart. Walking in this land of great legends and beauty has been a dream of mine since I can remember, yet it is only in spirit that I wander along her shores and over the green hills. Where the tomorrows cares can wait till the joy of today is felt to its fullest. Is there one there who will sing to me to come to the hills or are the visions only in my dreams? I know not what waits for me there, near the green hills of Ireland... A little cottage I see, with a garden full of flowers, beautiful to behold -- tales of the ancient heroes of old, and where Celtic warriors fought and died for the land they so loved. There, on the Emerald Isle, the legends remain, legends of old that warm the heart and bring back memories of ancestors. Cu Chulain, Hound of Ulster, does his spirit still wander over the hills, or his sword still flash and clang so fast, echoing throughout the land... has his Fury found peace at last? The warrior queens, The Morrigan, Scathatch, and others must still watch over the souls of warriors of old that they carried away from the battle fields and gave eternal life to. Ancient castles, some in ruins, still remain as a reminder of those who lived, fought and died to make Ireland what it is today. Airmid, goddess of medicine and all healing arts to the Tuatha De Danaan, does she still heal those who need to be? Other gods and goddesses of ancient times, where do they dwell now -- are they only in the hearts of those who read about them and those who pen their great deeds -- do they still give their energies and magic to those with needs? Angus Mac Og, Angus of the Brugh, of the Tuatha De Danaan, to hear his golden harp that created incredibly sweet music for the ancient ones -- does the sweet music still linger and the sound drift throughout over the green hills? From his faery place on the banks of the Boyne, if he still rules over and protects lovers, creativity and beauty, then let me bask in the light of his powerful magic. The Faery Folk, short, tall, large, and small... they still wander back and forth between the edge of our reality and their own realms. I know this for sure, for the Leprechauns told me, it is well known -- you see now, they sometimes travel to other lands either in my dreams or their own. The Mountains of Mourne that flow down to the sea.. their beauty lingers on the mind -- and there on the shores is one waiting for me? Let me not be like a bird without wings, let me soar and have a heart that sings... let me be a child again and romp in the wild flowers and stroll on the shores of the sea and the Lakes of Killarney, alone or with one who loves, let my spirit soar and be free. Ireland truly is my spiritual home -- and this is my heart's story. **** © Content Copyright Phyllis Doyle Burns 2012 ****

Knowing Myself

Since I was a child I have known there are other realms that are not visible to the human sight -- yet are there in the spirit if one opens up the mind to the spiritual connections that are possible. As I grew older I listened to others who said faeries, spirits, other worlds than ours is just "all nonsense". So, I let go of what I thought was just childhood fantasies. Now I know better, for I have learned to listen to the voice of my soul. I have learned that it is ok to believe in the faery folk. They are there, just on the edge of our reality, just behind the veil that human kind brought down so long ago. I have learned to connect to and embrace the goddess within me and bring her forth to strengthen my femininity and learn to love who I am. I connect to many goddesses for the attributes each one has, yet the one I connect to the most is the Celtic goddess, Danu, the goddess of the Tuatha de Danann, an ancient tribe that fought many battles to win Ireland, then, when finally defeated, went underground to mingle with the faery. Danu is the goddess of waters, healing waters that bring forth love and compassion, insight into relationships, and enlightenment about myself. The river Danube was known in ancient times as Danuvius, which is a word from a now extinct Celtic Gaulish language, which comes from the root word danu, which means river. It is believed by some scholars and mythologists that the river was named after the goddess Danu. And this I believe also. Danu is like a river, a river that continues to flow with the times and through my life. I have learned to flow with it, to go where destiny takes me, and accept that which is my true path. I have walked on the dark side of my life, gone into places in my visions and meditations that I never realized existed, because all my life I have buried and shoved aside that which I could not understand or face. I have dealt with my demons and found within me the beauty of the goddess, the compassion and divinity of true love that begins within and flows out to embrace others in a divine way.

I learned much of what I know now with the help of one I love deeply. I have known him for just over a year, yet have known him all my life and even before that. I have never met him in person, for the physical distance between us is great. We connect spiritually and "talk" with each other on the internet. He is my spiritual teacher, mentor, guide, friend. I have a love for him I cannot explain, not even to him. I have tried and the right words just do not come out. It is just a part of me that cannot and will not ever be broken or explained away. The distance between us physically, as I said, is great -- yet we are close in spirit. When we talk on the internet, it is like he is sitting across the table from me and I hold his hand. I sometimes feel his touch on my hand or arm, and he has felt mine. I am not afraid to speak of these things, my beliefs, my spiritual connection to a man I have never met in person, for to me, it is my reality, my life. Too often people do not take the chance to love when it seems impossible, or to look behind the veil to other realms, or reach out and let the faery folk know you. To have looked within and to have found myself, my true path in life, is the most beautiful gift I have ever given to myself.

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